Ok this is me now.
I have went back and forth about whether to post this photo or not and trying to find the right words because I don't want this to be a post about people trying to reassure me that I look good (or tell me I look bad!) However, I feel that we need to keep the conversation going about how your body looks after pregnancy will be different and that is ok. Some mums will lose all the weight quickly, some will look like they never had a baby, some will have stretch marks, some will have none.
And for some, like me, you will put more weight on after the baby is born.
After each pregnancy I have put a little bit more weight on because this mothering business is hard and I also have an addiction to chocolate!
Now I am in an industry that this body will be seen as a body that needs to change and that is not good enough for a fitness professional.
AND I DON'T CARE!
Don't get me wrong I have battled with those thoughts a few times myself. A couple of weeks ago I was going to a networking meet up with a group of mums that I had never met before. I was anxious anyway because I am still working on my confidence and my fear that no one will like me or even worse they just find me boring. But on probably one of the very few occasions this happens to me I worried about what they would think of me being fitness professional and looking this way. (I obviously went with clothes on though) I thought that maybe they wouldn't want to take me seriously.
Anyway that wasn't the case. These were all fellow mums with one or more little people running around who didn't even bat an eyelid at my size. They were more interested in hearing about my job and telling me about theirs. (my kind of people right there)
But I got an insight into the feelings that many women have every day about how they look and it wasn't comfortable.
So here are some more truths from me about my body.
I do want to change my body. I feel very uncomfortable moving. My Diastasis Recti is a long way from being healed so when I put certain clothes on I feel very uncomfortable because of the gap and the pressure this puts on my insides is sometimes unbearable for me. So I can't wear a lot of the clothes I like to wear. I have to wear support around my core to protect me from more injury while I lead my active life and again that doesn't feel the most comfortable. (when I take it off it feels kinda like how you feel when you take your bra off at the end of the day). My body will change over the next year or 2 years because I want to enjoy my life as much as I can and that means I need to be able to move well, pain free, and wear all the clothes I love to wear and just because I am getting more active each week. It has taken until 6 months post birth for me to really put some time and effort daily into healing because this recovery was a little hard on me.
I FUCKING LOVE MY BODY.
This body carried and nurtured 3 babies to term.
This body endured a forceps delivery, my second baby being turned and held in place during labour, a Caesarean Section and a haemorrhage.
This body fed all 3 babies for 4-6 months.
This body battled through infection after infection through each postnatal period.
This body allows me to go and workout in my fave gym
This body will hopefully climb a mountain on Sunday
And this body is doing all it needs to do for the stage I am at in my life.
And that is amazing to me.
Here is what I want you to think about:
Carrying extra weight on your body wont make you a bad mum
Carrying extra weight on your body doesn't make you any less worthy as a person.
Stretchmarks don't make your stomach, legs or boobs ugly.
And for me carrying this extra weight does not make me a bad coach. If I lose the weight I won't magically be a better coach because that is not what it takes to be a coach.
Having a weight loss goal is fine but is it really what you need at the moment?
Looking after yourself is way more important no matter what that looks like.
Take it easy on yourself.
You are beautiful.
In your baby's eyes you are the most perfect person they have ever seen.