Why do I look like shit?

This is a question I asked Simon after he took this photo of me.

You see I wanted to send this pic to my coach as I had been at an event and we had been talking about how much he loved a matching PE kit as he calls it.

But after seeing this photo I thought no way am I sending that.

I looked awful.

I got annoyed at Simon for not using his photography skills to take a better pic.

I thought I looked way better in this outfit than I did.

I didn’t like the rolls of fat

My boobs looked shit

I have made no effort with my hair recently.

I couldn’t even pose properly

But last night I realised I wasn’t practising what I preach.

I didn’t look great because I had a terrible cold and I had been up all night.

And so what if I couldn’t pose right. I am not a model. I am not here to impress everyone with how I look.

So what if I had some fat round my tummy.

When I think about what my body has got me through I can tell you I am damn proud of it!

My body has carried 3 babies.

My body has recovered from a traumatic birth and haemorrhage, forceps delivery, transverse babies, and a section.

It is still healing from Diastasis Recti, pelvic floor issues and my section.

It allows me to get up with 3 small children at 5:30/6am

It has breastfed 3 children to 4-6 months.

It has saved my children from falling.

It allows me to pick up 2 children at a time.

To enjoy running around softplay with my boys.

Carry car seats, prams, and all the bags filled with the unbelievable amount of stuff you need when you leave the house with 3 children.

I have a mummy tummy as they call it (are you with me on hating that term?) because of my Diastasis Recti.

And I don’t make an effort with my hair because I don’t have time when I am dealing with 3 children in the morning. It just isn’t a priority most days.

My body shape doesn’t make me a good coach. In fact to make my body into the ‘desired’ shape I would need to go against everything I teach new mums and forever damage my body in the quest for something that will make my life worse.

So what have I taken from this?

That I feel insecure sometimes and not happy with my body.

That this is me right now and I love my body.

That its ok to love your body now and want to change it.

That I want to change my body because I am not comfortable moving at this size and I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes.

But I won’t do it before I look after my body. Until I have made sure I can have normal pelvic floor function.

I hear so many mums talk about losing their baby weight before they have even had a chance to take a breath. It breaks my heart. Because you are all forgetting just how amazing and beautiful our bodies are.

Lets work together to remind ourselves how much we and our bodies rock. And that our bodies deserve us taking our time to look after it and love it for all it does for us.


If you are looking for help in your postnatal journey please send me a message.